If you are reading this article, you may already be there or considering a long distance relationship! What do you think and feel about a long distance relationship? What are your specific thoughts and feelings about physical distance in a relationship? Do you think such a Relationship is difficult, lonely, painful, unclear and it will be difficult to reach a happy ending? Do you think distance is ruining a relationship? If the way you think and feel about relationship and distance is negative, you have work to SharekAlomre.com do if that relationship applies to you! In this post, I will show you what you need to do.
Definition of distance relationship – psychology
A distance relationship is an intimate bond between two people that, unlike conventional relationships, is established between people who are geographically distant from each other, which limits face-to-face interaction and physical contact between them.
The basis of these relationships is usually a deep emotional bond sustained by trust, loyalty, constant affection through communication and some kind of understanding.
Does a long distance relationship make sense?
It depends! If you think distance will destroy your relationship, you can be sure it will. Why? Because if you think so, you will be afraid and everything you do will be fueled by the energy of fear and the fear of failure.
I know right now you might be thinking, “ Yeah sure, another gibberish about positive thinking! What about all the difficulties ?! Skype calls get boring, he ignores my messages and I feel so damn lonely. Do you know how much airline tickets cost so that it would even make sense ?! “
When you are away with your partner 10,000 km of questions lined with fear there is a whole lot of: “ What if our relationship gets boring? What if we don’t move to the same place? And if he’s not the right person, I’m wasting my time? “
If you let fear overwhelm you, your relationship will not make sense, and you will tire after just a few months. Can you control your own thoughts and fear? They are yours, they belong to you, they don’t have to be directly related to your relationship! Is it possible to think positively about distance at all? Yes! Below are some inspirations for you:
- Distance gives you a chance to get to know yourself deeply and authentically, because often when other couples can go to the cinema, spend time in a group of you, there is a conversation.
- Joint planning, setting goals, coping with challenges – npl meetings and travels!
- Learning to trust
- Greater self-confidence and resourcefulness every day
- Learning faith and patience – which are necessary in the area of achieving all dreams and goals!
Save another 5 :). I know that if you set your interior to SharekAlomre look for what is good in every situation, it will find it!
Distance relationships – statistics
According to the American KIIROO study from 2018, approximately 60 percent of long-distance relationships are maintained. It also turned out that a large number of distance relationships actually start at a distance – about 50% of couples.
The first months of the long-distance relationship were assessed by most couples as optimistic, but the study indicated that the greatest crisis was experienced after about 4 months, it was also the period of time when one of the partners gave up most of the time. Survival of about 8 months was a milestone for a large part of the couples. The optimal frequency of meetings was assessed by couples living on other continents as at least once a quarter, and the maximum distance between meetings was estimated at 5 months. The average distance couple text each other 343 texts a week and spend eight hours on phone calls or video chats for surviving couples!
Are you wondering what the biggest dilemmas were highlighted by men and women in the research?
A relationship at a distance as seen through the eyes of a man and a woman
The following are the most frequently cited answers to the question: “What worries you most about your long-distance relationship?”
- Fear of physical betrayal
- Fear of cheating (I will add that research shows that there is no correlation between distance and more fraud in a relationship)
- Take that distance will recede and lead to termination
- Fear of boredom, lack of common topics
- Logistics of moving to one place
- No livelihood, no work after moving.
Types of long-distance relationships
With some exceptions and variations, we can distinguish two kinds of distance relations:
1) Couples who have been together for a long time and due to circumstances must temporarily live at a physical distance.
2) Couples who have met via the Internet or by correspondence, their acquaintance develops virtually, with meetings from time to time, aimed at a stationary life together in the future.
Of course, there are also relationships that only keep interactions at a distance – a common reason being relationship unpreparedness / emotional inaccessibility. This type of relationship does not usually pass into a relationship with a clearly defined future and is not the subject of this post.
How to keep a relationship at a distance ?
No relationship is perfect – it will never be. Relationships in which partners feel fulfilled care about 4 areas: freedom to be yourself, support in following your dreams, strength to survive difficult times and motivation to become a better person. day.
How to care for these 4 areas in a long distance relationship? Below are some tips (you can easily adapt them also if you are in a close geographic relationship)
Having a common goal – “That’s where we’re going.”
Are you wondering what your goal should be? I will save you some time – if you are a couple and have decided to be together, the goal should be to move to the same city in a clearly defined future. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow or in 2 months. The average relocation time for couples is about 2 – 4 years.
Boundaries “What we respect and is inviolable”.
Establish what values, boundaries are fundamental to you and what you do not want to be present in your relationship. You can read more about the core values here – https://calaprawdaorelacje.pl/workbook-warunki-konieczne/
The flow between giving and receiving
True, love is about giving, but giving is not complete unless it is complemented by an openness to receive as well!
Rituals – What we will do without exception ”.
A ritual is something you do repeatedly with intention and purpose. The ritual is non-negotiable and you do it even when you are tired, don’t have time to maintain the bond and closeness. Of course, each couple may have their own derogation arrangements.
Constant and continuous communication, through all possible telecommunication and internet means.
If you or your partner do not want to find time to talk daily, such a relationship has a good chance of not surviving.
Long distance relationship – advice
Exceptionally in this place, I will not write you what to do (this is the point above), and I will give you an example of behaviors that, in order for a long-distance relationship to survive and not to tire yourself, it is worth avoiding.
- Too quick commitment, including planning relocation without time to recognize your values, those that connect and divide.
- Constant, obsessive thoughts about what will happen next.
- Long, many months of conversations, building attachment without determining whether we have the same expectations,
- Putting off important conversations for meetings that are every few months.
- Surprise visits at a very early stage.
- Relocation phobia / no relocation plan for a relationship that lasts approximately one to two years.
- Lack of a schedule for conversations, forcing conversations between activities during the day, not devoting intentional time to yourself. Scrolling the internet during calls.
- No clearly defined agenda for meetings.
- Forcing obligations on a person who is not ready for it.
- Focusing on problems not opportunities.
Long-distance relationship moments of doubt – how to deal?
If, despite your best efforts, your relationship is full of doubts that come to you several times a month and you keep asking yourself whether this relationship has a chance to turn into long-term love? It is worth asking yourself 3 questions:
Why are you doing this? Why do you travel so often?
The biggest problem I see while working as a relationship coach is that a lot of us are trying to find a relationship because they want to fill the void they have inside of them, a void that no relationship can actually fill, except with oneself!
How are you in questioning your relationship?
Relationship challenges can provoke intense emotional reactions, states of fight, or flight that may apply to the current relationship, but they can also be the anxiety patterns we have, regardless of the relationship we are in. In a situation of very strong emotions, it is worth not to make important decisions and actions. Stop, back off, and put yourself in order.
Is this the right person?
Only you know that answer. If you have a lot of doubts, here are some questions I hope will be helpful:
- Do I feel safe in this relationship?
- Do I feel caring, interest?
- Are you yourself in this relationship?
- Does your partner respect your dreams or support your choices and development?
- Is there a sexual attraction between you?
- Do you know not only the strengths, but also the weaknesses of your partner, are you able to accept them?
- Am I aware of his / her habits, especially those that irritate you? If these habits never change, do you still want to be with her / him?
- Do you accept her / his with his / her disadvantages?
I will tell you one more thing, the order of these questions is not accidental, always start with yourself!
RELATED ARTICLE: Long Distance Relationship – Can it be Maintained?
Ending a long distance relationship – how to end a long distance relationship?
Not every relationship should survive, and the tips in this post are not intended to trick you into making your relationship work at all costs. A long distance relationship is challenging, and you also have the right to decide that this is not the formula for you.
If you don’t feel physically and emotionally safe, you have differences in core values, and words have no support in deeds, these are also indications for ending a relationship. Leaving is difficult, but it is much more difficult to stay in a relationship that is not for you.
Psychologist Meg Jay said in one of her famous TED speeches, “The best time to work on your marriage is before getting married.” I would add: The best time to work on a relationship is when the relationship starts. And if it has already begun, the best time to work on it is now.
However, a mere verbal declaration is not enough. You have to take action. Unfortunately, there is no magic, there are only right beliefs and right actions. That’s it or that much.